To One Mr. Wylie Coyote,

At the composition of this letter, I hope you are well on your way to a wilderness far from our neighborhood. I sympathize with your plight; I really do because you were likely displaced by flood waters. However, I will have no hesitation in ordering, yes, ordering, my loving husband to defend our life and limb and that of our sweet pup, Hubert, if we see you in our very own yard. Yes, Wylie, it is imperative for your safety that you stay out of our yard.

It severely displeases me that the situation with you was handled so poorly yesterday. I hope not so much for your destruction as for the safety and security of my own two, darling, little Mice. You see, your presence in our neighbors' yard shatters the serenity of my own sleepy, shady little backyard complete with its six-foot fence. Your presence there, regardless of whether you were displaced by flood waters, means that you, and others of your kind, potentially may run through my neighborhood again. The next time, perhaps, the girls and I won't have terrible colds and be stuck inside. Perhaps we would be out planting flowers in the front yard, blowing bubbles, or chasing butterflies. Should we not be able to engage in these activities freely, with a sense of confidence in our own well-being? Should I not be able to have my children in our very own yard for fear of their safety? Your intentions are known solely to you; knowing others of your kind, I dare to doubt your honor a bit.

It is fair to say I am enraged not so much by your presence as by the directive of the city to our neighbor. Our neighbor, the best in the world, by the way, called the police for assistance in your, er, removal only to be brushed off and transferred to the Humane Society of our city for assistance. While I respect their work in many areas, their directive to him to "open your yard gates and let him go" with regard to your removal astonishes me in its irresponsibility and disrespect for the safety of the children of this neighborhood. As I stated before, I assure you that I hold you no ill will and wish not for your death, though I would not have mourned you long; I find it physically sickening to think that our city believes it holds no responsibility to at least tranquilize and relocate you, that, instead, our city apparently believes that a large (large) coyote running wild through blocks populated with small children out playing in their yards poses no threat. Perhaps it poses no threat to you, Mr. Coyote, but I happen to believe you pose a significant danger to my 29- and 19-pound Mice. I am not one to think that children should be left in the front yard to play alone, but it is difficult for me to believe that in the near future, when my Mice would be, say, 2 and 4 years old, they cannot even play safely in their backyard. Alas, this is what your presence has taught me. This and the fact that our city has become too large when the rights of you, Mr. Coyote, trump the rights of my little Mice.

Do not return, Wylie. Your life depends on that.

My sincere regards.